shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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