No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
