saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
