puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize