you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
