I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
