he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
