i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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