the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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