Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm at about main and main street
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
