apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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