i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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