I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize