I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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