I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish there were birth control emojis
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
