Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
