I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
