If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
