I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
areolas are like halos for boobs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
