All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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