Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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