Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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