I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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