So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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