My girlfriend figured out who you are.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
