Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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