I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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