Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
