Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
