One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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