how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
