my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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