Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
