I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
