Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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