We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize