I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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