I smell stomach acid.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
