I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
