is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
