I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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