did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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