Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
