wakey wakey hands off snakey
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We need to rekindle our bromance
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
