Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize