When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize