i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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