he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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