If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
