Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
