If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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