She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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