im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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