we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
