Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
