We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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