I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
