i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
