worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
